Maryam Beyond Borders

A Humbling Experience

2009-07-10T02:25:00.000-07:00

I was feeling a little down this past week because of how things were going at the hospice. The first month and a half at the hospice was amazing. My days were filled with home-visits and spending time with the patients, learning Setswana and dancing to the local music. There were four other volunteers from Guelph that were working with me at the hospice and we all got into this routine of coming in to work and just talking to the hospice workers and patients all day! I had a lot of interaction with the people and I kept learning a lot of new things every day. But once the Guelph girls left, I felt like my time of “settling in and observing how things were run” was over and it was time for me to start working on real projects. And this is where the trouble started...

I got along very well with my co-workers when I was just “observing” with the Guelph girls ...but when I wanted to work, I was surprised by how much resistance I felt coming from my co-workers. I would ask for a file, and it would be nowhere to be found ...for weeks! I would ask for a signature on a proposal and the person that’s suppose to sign would say they would sign by the end of the day, but they’d leave early and not come in to work for the rest of the week! There were so many times where I felt like excluding everybody else at the hospice and doing things on my own, but then I would be like the oppressor in “Pedagogy of the oppressed”. If I am to hold myself back and work at their pace, things will get weeks to get done and I only have a month left! So for more than half the month of June I’ve been grappling with this dilemma and I couldn’t even decide how I felt about my situation. One day I would be mad at the hospice for its lack of structure and disorganization which resulted in severe inefficiency of the workers. The next day I would be mad at myself for being as frustrated as I was, not handling the situation better. And my days would just fly by so fast without me having even accomplished much. I kept an hour by hour log for a few days to see how my time passed by , and a lot of it was spent waiting!

I was talking to my roommates last night and one of the things I told them was that a significant part of what bothered me about this whole situation was that I was not enough to “fix” the hospice. My roommates’ response was “who do you think you are?! Of course you are not going to change the entire working of the hospice on your own!” and she was right. Who did I think I was? I am a 3rd year undergrad student who came here to volunteer for three months and I realize that I didn’t make much of a difference....but what matters is that I did my best. I went into work every day and gave it my all. That should be enough. This whole experience has been very humbling. In terms of personal development, I have discovered a few of my strengths and what I need to work on. I know that when I go back home, I will continue to look for opportunities like this to ensure I keep growing.

Y Care Walk - 150 km in the Kalahari Desert!

2009-06-22T11:57:00.001-07:00

Hi everyone!

I’m writing this email to ask for your support for a charity walk I will be taking part in this July. It is called the http://www.ycare.org.bw/walks.php>Y-care walk – a three day, 150 km desert walk on the Makgadikgadi Pans of Botswana. The point of this walk is to raise funds for Non-governmental organizations in Botswana. The NGOs here are restricted due to the very little amount of funds they receive, and whatever money is donated comes with so many strings attached. I get frustrated every day at work as I see how limited the hospice is in what it can do for its patients, all because is so tight on funding. The money raised through this walk will be of a major help to organizations like my Hospice.

As a walking volunteer, I am required to raise CAD 1000 for participating in the walk. I would really appreciate it if you could help sponsor me to do this walk. Even though I came to this country to do volunteer work, I honestly feel like I have gained a lot more than what I have given from this experience. Raising funds for these NGOs that are doing amazing work is just my way of balancing the scale a little and giving back to Botswana.

If you are wonderful enough to support me in this, you can click on the “ChipIn” button on my blog and donate via PayPal (online payment site used by eBay). Alternatively, I can also give you my bank details for direct deposit at a branch. If you are not able to donate, please still email me back to say hi and wish me luck on the rest of my journey.
Thanks!!

Life in Gabs

2009-06-16T11:57:00.000-07:00

It is amazing how time flies! It’s already been a month since I came to Gabs and I’m surprised at how easily I’ve adjusted to everything here. It feels like I’ve been working at the hospice for longer than just a month.

I spent the first two weeks at the hospice in the social work department, and my work their comprised mainly of going on several home visits. Some of the home visits where emotionally taxing, but for the most part I was able to go on them without extreme difficulty. I would see things that were very sad, but after the first week or so, I began to get accustomed to it all. I don’t really know what that says about me...it wasn’t that the complete injustice I observed didn’t bother me at all, but if I am to survive here for the entire summer, better if I accepted the reality here for what it is...

Just as I’d gotten familiarized with the social work department, I was switched into the nursing department for another two weeks. The nursing department also does home visits, but the nature of the work is much different. The hospice nurses go to the houses of terminal patients and help with simple procedures like changing their dressings and distributing ARVS. I found going on the home visits with the nurses to be much more frustrating than with social work because the lack of resources where so obvious and what the nurses could do for the patients is very limited! The hospice relies on donations to supply medication to its patients, so not a lot drugs are available.

The patients here are very relaxed when it comes to having strangers coming in and observing while they’re being looked after by the nurses, everything is just out in the open and confidentiality is not an issue...So I was taken aback at first by how much I was being trusted by the patients and the responsibility I was being entrusted with by the nurses. I’m allowed to see/do things that I’d never be allowed to back home.

There was one incident where we went on a home visit to change the dressings for a young man around 30ish who had AIDS. This man’s mother had already buried two other children that had died from AIDS, he was the only child she had left and he too was dying. When we arrived at the house, the mother did not want to open the door for us, so she hid behind the door and wouldn’t answer. I couldn’t understand what was going on and why she didn’t want us to come and help take care of her son. We were persistent and knocking on the door until she gave up and opened for us. But the nurses later explained to me that the reason she didn’t us helping him was because she had tended to and watched her other two daughters die of this disease and she just couldn’t do it anymore....she wanted it to end.

During orientation, a past volunteer told us that Gaborone is a city of broken hearts...there isn’t a single person I’ve met that has not been affected by a virus. Death is so common. Funerals are the events to go to on the weekends. But what surprises me is how stupid people can be about sex...people still joke around about having multiple sexual partners! Every joke has a sexual connotation....every conversation is about sex sex sex sex and more sex. Here’s part of a conversation I had with one of my co-workers this morning:

Co-worker: “neo, you know I currently have six sexual partners...four in town and two in my home village”
Me: “Why do you do that! You know its not safe!!”
Co-worker: “I use a condom”
Me: “Why do you endanger yours and other people’s life?! Condoms can break!”
Co-worker: “aahhh, but my penis is not that big”

The dumbass was trying to brag...and I couldn’t help but get a angry at what he was telling me...What’s scary is that I honestly don’t think he was joking. That really was the reasoning behind his behaviour. And this is someone working at an AIDS hospice!!!!! Makes me feel so exasperated! I’ve had several of these kinds of conversations with many people from here and they’ve all made me feel so exasperated! Soo many dumb comments that come out of intelligent people’s mouths, people that should be helping fight the spread of the virus!

Anyways...when I’m not going on home visits, I stay at the hospice and spend time with the patients that come into the day care center. Most of them don’t know how to speak English, so I found it really hard at first to have conversations and interact with them. But I’m learning some Setswana and gradually developing skills necessary to interact with another person who doesn’t speak your language.

There are times where I feel completely useless at the hospice, then there are times where I feel like I’m actually contributing. I go through such an emotional rollercoaster throughout a day...I can be extremely happy, sad, angry, lonely within a few hours. I try my best day by day to keep a positive attitude and remind myself of why I’m here. As easy as it is to get disheartened by a lot of things in Gabs, I’m going to keep a positive attitude until the end of my stay.

Neo in Gaborone!

2009-05-23T03:00:00.001-07:00

Hi Everyone!!

Its Neo in Gaborone!...Neo is my Motswana name here. Its pronounced Nae-oh and its means Gift. It was given to me by my host mom Mma-Ednah. I’ve been in Gabs for two weeks now and so far so good!! The first week was all orientation then we went to Mokolodi nature reserve to see the big animals. It was a fantastic week and I wasn’t homesick at all, nor did I experience any culture shock. The second week is when things started getting pretty rough. Last Monday in particular was my worst day in Gabs. Out of nowhere, I started to miss my family and I’m embarrassed to admit that I wanted to go back home. It was my first day at work and although the people working at the hospice were very nice and welcoming, things there were not what I expected and I was a bit disheartened by what saw that first day. This next para is part of a post I meant to upload on my blog last week, but I wasn’t able to since internet access isn’t the easiest here. I sound very negative in it, but don’t worry because I don’t feel that way anymore.

“I have completely overestimated my strength and ability to handle all the struggles that I might face here. I honestly did not expect to have such a hard time getting used to my new surroundings and way of living. I miss my family!! I miss how easy it is to call my friends back home when I have a bad day and vent out my anger and frustration. I can’t do that here and it makes me feel very isolated. Its hard to check my emails regularly b/c internet cafes aren’t very accessible. Work here is from 7:30 to 4:30 and it gets dark after 6. Since it isn’t advisable to be out once its dark, I only have 1.5 hours to run around Gabs and do ALL my errands!! The combi (local taxis) is the most common form of transportation here but sadly, it isn’t the most effective one. There isn’t a set schedule for a combi to pass by an area, so you all you can do is stand on the side of a road and wait hopefully for one to pass by!! Sometimes I have to wait 20-30 minutes to catch one!! Since I have to take two combis to go to work, you can only imagine how long it takes me to get there. The fact that there is no coffee (real coffee that is, they only have instant coffee) only exasperates my situation!!”

So that is how I felt at the beginning of last week, but things started to get better and I don’t miss my family as much anymore. It wasn’t culture shock that got me, or the slums or the combis or the lack of real coffee. It was the fact that I was soo far away from my family and friends. Two weeks in and I’ve already learned one thing from this experience and that is family and friends and relationships in general mean the world to me. I could have been in the middle of a desert or a rain forest for those two weeks, but I don’t think I’d have had such a hard time if I had a friend or a family member with me. It is really not where you are that matters, it is who you’re with...but anyhow, things are good now.

I’m working in the social work department of the hospice and I get to go on 4-5 hour walks to the slums of Gaborone to check in on grandmothers, uncles, aunts, single mothers who are taking care of OVCs. The sun is brutal in the afternoons and my skin is acting weird, so I’ve gotten over my embarrassment and started using an umbrella to protect myself from further skin conditions. The hospice is great, but I had problems adjusting to the hospice at first and my first impressions on my coworkers weren’t the greatest. I thought the hospice was just a place to provide them with pay checks and they really didn’t care about reaching out to the community. I thought they were lazy and inefficient and things at the hospice could be run much better than they were currently being run. I found it very hard to implement all the things I learnt the past 8 months in preparation for this placement. Everything I learnt went out the window and I found myself struggling not to be this outsider who is trying to change the way everything is run in the hospice. I had to force myself to sit back and observe and engage with the people, instead of attempt to fix the hospice.

I’m starting to get to know the people at the hospice and they’re starting to feel like my friends rather than co-workers. I was quick to judge them at first but after spending a few days with them, I have found them to be caring individuals who are devoted to their work, although it might not seem like it. I’m can honestly say I love it here now..I love going to work every morning! I’ve already experienced a lot of things at work that will require another post b/cause there are soo many great ones! Three months feels like a short time now :(

2009-05-23T02:13:00.000-07:00

Hey guys!

Sorry I haven't blogged in a while...I haven't been able to get internet access easily...I meant to put up this next blog two weeks ago!!! Anyhoo, better late than never. I'll post another one by the end of nxt week hopefully :)

Living and Learning

2009-04-08T20:42:00.000-07:00

When I signed up for the Beyond Borders program, there were a few things I hoped to gain. I hoped I would come out as a wiser, more knowledgeable and a more improved Maryam. I knew I wanted to see a change in myself; in ways deeper than a University degree can provide. I wanted to see if this experience would reaffirm my present values and goals or refute them. But what I didn’t expect was to see a change in my outlook on LIFE, even before I have gone to Botswana and started working in the hospice!

I think that one of the main reasons for this change was the blogging requirement. Blogging has done so much more for me than I had expected. Whenever something significant or thought provoking would happen in my day, I’d always be a rush to class or work that I wouldn’t take time to think it through and analyze how I felt about it. Blogging has forced me to sit down, take the time to think about what I had just witnessed and what it all really means to me. It wasn’t the easiest thing to come up with the words that described exactly how I felt and formulate the sentences that expressed exactly what I was thinking. But at the end of each post, I felt like I knew a little more about myself and I was more clear about my beliefs; that in itself is a great accomplishment for me and something I am very proud of.

Another change has happened in my life that I wasn’t expecting to gain through this program: the addition of long-term friends who are passionate and care about the same issues that I do. Whether it was the class discussions about the 1st world/3rd world economies, reading pedagogy of the oppressed, or hearing their opinions about world issues; I have met amazing people who have taught me worth-while lessons, shown me to think critically about the world and who have reinforced my will to help make a difference. In addition, through reading everyone’s weekly blogs, I learned about things I have never even heard or thought about; and the supportive comments that I received on my blog have really made a difference to me…AND my favourite thing was the warm fuzzies!! (I keep reading mine and it definitely makes me feel all warm and fuzzy).

But I think the biggest thing that has changed me has to be volunteering at the working center. The people that I met at St. John’s kitchen, the conversations I had with the other volunteers and all the people I interacted with there has been a great learning experience for me. When I went there every Monday, I didn’t just go to serve meals and complete my volunteer hours, I went there looking forward to the people I’d be meeting and the conversations I’d be having. Most of the time, the conversations I had at the kitchen and the things I saw while working there made me ask some really hard questions and left me thinking for that entire week. Later, I’d blog about my thoughts and in the process find out more about my values, beliefs and hopes. I was as much a student there to learn as I was a volunteer at the working center and I think that is what service learning is all about. I also think that is how working at the hospice will be this summer. I’ll keep learning more about how to live responsibly in this world critically analyzing and questioning things I come across, in constant dialogue and interaction with those around me and GROW as I do it. I’ll be learning more about exactly what I want to do with the rest of my life and what legacy I want to give to this world.

AIDS in Botswana presentation

2009-04-05T20:33:00.000-07:00

Here's a presentation I prepared on the AIDS crisis in Botswana...Its contains the basics about the country, the AIDS/HIV status and a little bit about my placement. Sorry I took a while to post it, I was having problems uploading the powerpoint.

Botswana Presentation Hiv

View more presentations from maryamyohannes.

Identity Crisis: turning into a hybrid

2009-03-21T17:08:00.000-07:00

I don’t know if I should be sharing this because some of you will think I’m crazy after this. But here I go....Until the end of high school, every night before I went to bed I would make a very detailed schedule for the next day. This is what one would look like: 6:45-7:15 shower + breakfast, 7:15-7:30 make lunch, 7:35-7:42 walk to bus stop, 7:42-8:15 read ch1 physio during bus ride, 8:15-8:25 buy coffee, ...it was usually insanely detailed like that. What is worse is that I’d neurotically check my schedule several times during the day to make sure everything was being done on time and if I got a little behind, I’d get all anxious and start rushing to get things done faster. Most of the time, my schedule was so unrealistic that I couldn’t keep up, but I still kept making them every night. I hated the idea of wasting time. I would never sleep in because I’d just be wasting precious time of my day with sleep. “The human body only needs on average 7 to 8 hours of sleep” I’d say, so anymore would just be wasting time. If I watched a half hour TV show, I would have to come with something I learned from that show and how it wasn’t a waste of my time. In summary, I was a little crazy.

I don’t really know how I got to that point. Looking back at my life before I moved to Canada, everything was so much more calm and relaxed. I always had time for my friends and family. But when I came here, my life got divided between school, work and volunteering. I slowly turned into this extremely busy person with my crazy schedule. But at the beginning, I saw that as a new and exciting change. I loved the feeling of being busy with things to do and I loved the sense of purpose I got from overworking myself. I felt like I was doing something worthwhile. What I didn’t realize was that I was inadvertently pulling myself away from the other important things in my life. My relationship with my siblings and parents went downhill, I lost touch with my culture and my identity began to change. It took me a while until I stopped to evaluate where my life was heading and ask if I liked the person I was becoming. It was only then that I realized I wanted to change back to my old me and reconnect with my old passions. I make sure I find time to do the things I love like reading and spending time with my family.

The reason I’m posting this is because it might be useful to you guys (BB students) when you go away to your placements. Even though it is only 3 months, it will definitely change you in some ways. If your situation ends up being something similar to mine, you will find that you start to turn into some kind of hybrid canafrican. You won’t feel like you are Canadian or African (or whichever country your placement is in). You might feel like you don’t fit in, be it in Canada or in your placement. In some ways, this is good because you’re getting a chance to learn the best of both worlds and pick out the good components of them. But my advice is that you stop and think if you are ok about the way you are changing. Don’t let it get to the point where you start to lose your identity or you are changing certain things that you like about yourself. I know how easy it is to get carried away when something new and exciting comes along. But it is important to not lose sight of other aspects of your life/identity; otherwise you’ll end up unknowingly sacrificing those aspects. I know it is easier said than done, but try to find a balance between it all.

Realistic goals and staying Connected

2009-03-18T20:24:00.000-07:00

I was on the bus the other day with a friend I hadn't seen in a while. We were having a good time catching up. We started talking about our courses and how our term was going. This then lead to her asking me when I'm going to apply to medical school, and why I'm intent on doing something as crazy as going through 7 more years of schooling. This is exactly what she said to me, "o Maryam! the only thing I want out of my undergrad degree is to get a good paying job so I can travel whenever I want to and live life!". I don't know how this will make me seem, but I'm going to be honest about this. I didn’t say anything to her, but secretly I was really bothered by what she said. It even made me judge her a little bit. I know its wrong to judge, but what she said was exactly contradictory to what I believe people should hope for in their lives. I couldn’t understand how she could tell me that the only thing she aspired for was her own happiness and leading a stable life.

The first person I saw when I got home that day was my mom so I sat with her and told her all about it. Then came a surprise, my mom didn’t see anything out of the ordinary with what my friend had said! According to my mom, it is absolutely normal for people to aim for a simple and stable life. Not everyone will dedicate their lives to solving every social issue. Maybe my friend was just being realistic about what she was prepared to do for the community and in a sense, aligning her future priorities in the normal way that society does. People might have dreams of contributing to the world in some significant way, but most of the time, life gets in the way and they find themselves tied up with responsibilities to their families, careers, etc. Maybe my friend was just being honest about how much she will be contributing to society in the future. Most likely, living a stable and happy life is what will take priority over adding to the community.

I think there are several ways to interpret what my mom said. In one way, I think she is correct in that responsibilities/obligations in life do get in the way of people’s hopes of doing as much as they would like. And yes, you have to take care of yourself first before you can take care of your community. But, I think it is a mistake to completely forget that hope and just focus on your life. No matter how busy your life can get, it is important that you continue to hold the values/beliefs/ambitions you once had while you continue to work in other aspects of your life. My point is that someone in their early twenties will likely be concerned about things like the environment, health care, and the well being of others. But as they begin a career and start a family, new importance’s such as attending meetings, making school lunches, cleaning the house, buying a mini-van, etc begin to push out all the elements they once held with high priority. It is this neglect of old importance’s that people need to avoid. If the well being of the community and rectifying injustices around the world was once important to you, you must find the time to stay informed, get involved and take action in anyway you can, even on top of your new priorities. Otherwise, you risk not only ignoring the goals you once hoped to achieve in life, but also, you will disconnect yourself from issues that are important to you and the likelihood of re-kindling these feelings is nill! I really hope I don’t sound judgemental, but it all comes down to what your priorities are and how much you really care.

Moreover, people have managed to balance their lives between careers, families and actively changing their communities for the better. It can be done...if you are committed enough.

A St. John's kitchen story

2009-03-16T20:17:00.000-07:00

Today was a good day at St. John’s kitchen. There were a lot of volunteers so there wasn’t much for me to do at the beginning, so G (my supervisor) thought I should listen in on the talk she was going to give to first time volunteers...She told the 1st timers a story about the kitchen that was so touching, I thought I should share it with all of you.

She told the story of a man that had recently moved to KW. He didn’t know anyone in town and it was his first time coming to St. John’s kitchen. He was depressed and suicidal but he didn’t trust anyone enough to tell them. When he went in the line up to get his meal, the first server was very pleasant and gave him a genuine smile. So he decided to come back to the kitchen and observe the way the volunteer and the people that came in interacted with each other. It was after two weeks that he felt safe and comfortable enough to approach one of the kitchen staff and ask for help at the outreach program. It was the warm smile he received from the first person that made him come back to the kitchen and eventually get help for his depression/suicidal tendency. So that person literally saved his life!

This story reminded me of one of Jessica’s earlier blogs and Sabrina’s latest about how the little things matter. No matter how insignificant something may seem, it really ends up making a difference in someone life. It also reminded me of the beyond borders discussion we had the past Thursday. One of the things we talked about was some of the realistic ways we could make changes in our society. What Joanne said was that interacting with others in a pleasant way and smiling at someone when they’re having a bad day could mean a lot to them, while it may not seem that way to us. The story of this man is a perfect example of what she was talking about. To be honest, I didn’t really get what Joanne/Sabrina/Jessica were talking about until now. I didn’t get how smiling at someone with serious problems was going to help them in any way. Is that smile going to provide them with food and shelter? Is it going to make their problems go away? I was very sceptical about it all.

But thinking about it now, it is all about how you treat people. If you treat people with respect and dignity, they learn to trust you. And when they trust you, they feel comfortable enough to let you help them in any way you can. This is a lesson that we can all learn from as we go to our individual placements. I know it has been said a hundred times, but we are not all going there to change the world. But we can all have our impact on the lives of the people we will be living with by our positive daily interactions with them. These impacts could sometimes be big enough to save someone's life! So the little things only seem little to us, but they can mean the world to others.

Resilience through Relationships

2009-03-13T10:01:00.000-07:00

I really enjoyed the chat I had with my beyond borders classmates yesterday. We all had a really good discussion about the philosophy of The Working Center and about the kind of realistic changes that can be made to make things better in our community. The general consensus was that sustainability was the key, but Ruby said something a little different about sustainability that I found interesting. She quoted a speaker from one of the talks she attended: “We should aim more for resilience rather than sustainability...because society moves in a cycle, from success to chaos, then back to success again.” This also ties back to what Joanne said, “communities have always had problems since the dawn of time”. This isn’t a new dilemma we’re facing and we will always have some kind of problem to deal with, be it war or famine or some kind of side effect from technology (global warming). Maybe the best we can really do is to try and prepare ourselves to handle these issues better by learning from our mistakes. This reminded me of the underlying theme of the book called The Plague we read last term.

The book tells us the story of the city of Oran that was swept by the bubonic plague and the various ways the residents were affected by it. It is a really interesting book that raised many philosophical questions that I personally found hard to come up with answers to. And one of the things that puzzled me most was the way the book concluded. After pages and pages of describing all the suffering and pain that Oran went through, I was waiting for the author to provide us with some kind of explanation for the cause of the plague and perhaps even how it can be avoided in the future. Instead, the book ended by noting that the plague is still around, hiding between our sheets, waiting to resurface again. I really felt like the book left me hanging and asking “what was the point of that?”

I think I get it now, though. The whole point of that book was to tell us that everything is just a cycle and human suffering is not something that can be completely prevented or avoided. It is all part of the human condition, of all the experiences of being human. But by saying this, I’m not trying to suggest that since suffering is inevitable and we shouldn’t bother trying to eliminate it from societies. What we can all hope for, however, is that we learn from our mistakes and help build stronger communities that can withstand future problems better. And how do we build stronger communities? By staying informed about one another instead of living in our own little worlds, truly caring about one another and by doing what ever is in our power to make an impact on the rest of the world.

The best thing the plague did for Oran was bring its residents together as a community in the midst of their suffering. It brought together individuals that wouldn’t otherwise have meshed well and helped them form real relationships that continued after the plague. So I think that the current issues our world is facing today will do the same for us. It will help bring nations and individuals together. It will bring us all together so we can help each other get through the tough times and along the way form great relationships. And these relationships will in turn help us become a strong and resilient community. One that is more equipped to withstand the next time the plague resurfaces.

Having What it Takes

2009-03-05T21:37:00.000-08:00

I saw a pedestrian that had been hit by a car lying on the street yesterday. I was on the bus on my way to UW when the bus came to a stop at the scene. It can only be described as awful. It was so awful it made my stomach all upset being there, and still as I write this, my stomach doesn’t feel right. It wasn’t even a gory scene; there was no blood on the street or anything. But, the poor kid was lying on the street with his body twisted in this really odd and uncomfortable looking way. The road was completely blocked and the bus couldn’t move at all so the driver let everyone off. I was really close to the scene and I could see the boy wasn’t moving at all. My instinct was to run to the boy and try and do CPR on him… I actually had to stop myself from getting nearer as there were paramedics already present on the scene. The paramedics and cops continued to systematically take his pulse and I kept saying to myself “why aren’t they working on him?! Why aren’t they doing CPR on him or something?!” Then it dawned on me that he could be dead. I had stood there gawking the entire time, but when I realized that the boy could be dead, I panicked and bolted out of there.

I quickly tried to get what I saw out of my mind. I started working on my lab report that was due in a few hours as soon as I got to school. I didn’t take any time to think about what I saw. But reflecting on it now, I’m shocked and embarrassed at how fast I was able to quickly move on with my day. I saw a young boy (probably my age) lying unconscious and my only reaction was to run out of there as soon as I realized he could be dead. Then I pushed the thought of what had happened out of my mind for the remainder of the day. I didn’t want to think about it because my stomach would literally turn into knots each time I remembered what happened. Although there was nothing I could have done for him, I hate how helpless I felt just standing there and looking, hoping he would start moving again. I am very upset with my gut reaction. I ran out of there as soon as the thought of his death crept into my mind and continued on with my day, repressing any thoughts regarding what I had just seen.

Yesterday really brought forward some fears I have about my placement in Botswana. I’m going to be working in an AIDS hospice for three months… am I going to react by bolting out of the hospice if I happen to see one of the residents die? Ever since I found out I would be working in the hospice, I have been trying to prepare myself for situations I might come across regarding death and dying. But my experience yesterday had made me question if I’ll be ready in time and be able to handle myself in such situations. I’m going there to be a strong support for people who are sick… they need someone who they can turn to for support, compassion and maybe even someone just to lend an ear. Will I be able to be a rock, if someone should need me to be?

To be honest, it could be that I’m being a little hard on myself. I don’t know if one can really prepare for such experiences. While yesterday did scare me, I have now learned something new about myself. As most of you know, I have a plan to become a physician. Is this plan unrealistic? I hate to admit that I have these thoughts. I always want to sound very assured and confident about my plans of becoming a doctor, but there are aspects of that career that really scare me. I think there is something magical about being able to help a patient in the way a doctor does and I love the thought of a career healing patients. But am I going to be able to handle the times when I won’t be able to heal someone?

What I really hope is that I’ll be able to step up to the plate when I’m faced with such situations in the future and actually be of help in what ever way I can. In spite of all my fears of not having what it takes, I’m still looking forward to working at the hospice. If I’ve learned just a little bit from the accident I witnessed yesterday, I cannot imagine what I am going to learn about myself in Africa. I think not only will it make me a stronger person, but also help me understand if medicine is undoubtedly the field for me. If it is the career path I decide to pursue (which I’m 95% sure of), I know that my experiences at the hospice will stay with me my whole life through, making me a better doctor, friend and support.

The OVC of AIDS

2009-02-28T13:11:00.000-08:00

A few nights ago I had a good dream about my placement; I was running around playing with happy little kids at the day care. I don't remember most of the dream, I just remember that the children were very happy and we were all laughing and running around in the playground.

I have known for some time that the children that go to the Loratong daycare at my placement are all orphans and vulnerable children (OVC), but this dream made me curious to find out more about those children so I decided to google “orphans and vulnerable children (OVC)” to get more information on them. One of the first things that came up was an article from a credible journal (I checked) called “AIDS orphans: facing Africa's 'silent crisis'. I’ve posted it for anyone who wants to read it.

This article is a great summary of the lives of OV children and the main challenges they face. Imagine losing one or both parents to a horrible disease, having to drop out of school because you have now become the breadwinner of the family and you can’t afford getting educated anymore. And in most cases, instead of receiving support, you’re ostracized by the community because of the huge stigma associated with AIDS. This is happening to 1 in 4 kids in Zambia!! (The statistics are very similar for the other African countries dealing with this disease). This is a whole generation of traumatized children growing up without a proper childhood, no parental guidance, no one to provide them with advice on life, no one to give them hope for their future and encourage them to go for their dreams in life.

I can’t begin to imagine the person I would be, had I not been raised by my parents. My mom and dad have played an enormous role in who I am today. Even though my father is a continent away, I receive three to four emails each week saying things like “stay strong my daughter! Never give up on your dreams! Your success is in your hands. I am sure you can make it! You are my pride and joy and I’ll always support you in all that you do!” Etc... He sounds very dramatic in all of his emails and I always laugh when I read them, but they really have a huge impact on me. Knowing that there is some one that believes in me soo much gives me that extra strength to fight for my goals and dreams, no matter how hard it seems to achieve them. So knowing that there are millions of children in Africa lacking this support simply breaks my heart.

If I lost my parents to AIDS and I was left responsible for younger siblings to care for, I think I would simply lose my mind. You’d have to be a very resilient kid to move on with your life and still have hope for a better future. And how is a country suppose to grow when a quarter of its children are in this position?! It all becomes a vicious cycle - The number of issues that the African countries have to deal with because of AIDS! The pandemic is taking a toll on the educational and health care systems. And to be honest, even though the 1st world countries are realizing this is a problem and are making a big deal about it, I don’t think real action is being taken. Real action would be making the greedy pharmaceutical companies remove the patents on their antiretrovirals so that the third world population can have access to them. Real action would be allowing dept mercy for those countries so that they can afford to provide free education. I wish people cared more... it’s not enough to just write books and articles and discuss about it. Its good because it raises awareness, but its not enough.

A Fair World

2009-02-20T11:31:00.000-08:00

Last night I was watching an old episode of House – the one where House get to cure another doctor who has been travelling all though out Africa distributing medicine for TB. I don’t know if you’re aware of this show, but House is a TV series about a doctor who is really ill-mannered and cynical about everything in life, but he is also an amazing diagnostician, so all the other doctors put up with him and even admire him. House, being the type of person he is, decides that the true motives of this doctor traveling through Africa, risking contracting serious diseases, isn’t really doing it to save the lives of others. Instead, House claims it is because the doctor feels good about himself to be viewed as a hero by all the others who don’t partake in similar heroic tasks. So, House confronts the sick doctor who has contracted TB of his motives and the simple response the doctor gives him is “why is my life more precious than theirs? They deserve the same treatment, the same chance at life that I do”. This got me thinking about an article called “Life boat ethics” we had to read for RS 283 last term. I’ve posted the link of the article for those who might want to read it.

In this article, Hardin says that about 2/3 of the nations on earth are very poor and only 1/3 are rich nations. Those rich nations are like lifeboats floating on a sea full of drowning, unlucky 3rd world citizens. If the rich nations were to act like good Samaritans and take in too many people from the sea, they would risk sinking the lifeboat. House had the exact same attitude about how unrealistic it was to try and save everyone in Africa from TB and that feeling guilty about it was futile. The author uses the example of all the extra U.S. taxpayer’s money that was spent on the World Food Bank to prove how acting to help other nations will only result in hurting the US. According to the author, although the Food Bank seemed to serve a humanitarian cause, what it actually ended up doing was raise the prices of farm products, hence hurting the developed world. Moreover, the fertilizer companies actually benefited greatly. Where I found a similarity between House and Hardin was that they both failed to acknowledge the things that were being done right and only focused on the negative side of things. Even though both House and Hardin acknowledged that the way things are is not right, they took on a defeated attitude and choose to just accept the unfairness in life.

When I first read Hardin’s article I became very angry and wanted to stop reading it, but I knew the right thing to do was to try and see the authors side of things and see if the arguments he made were valid. So I gave myself some time to cool off and read the article again. After thinking about the points he made, I found that some of the problems he stated were in fact true. It is true that the fertilizer/pesticide industry benefited from the Food Bank and there was a significant amount of tax money spent on the program. And it is true that the rates at which the populations of some of the countries are expanding is very high. It is true that if all the businesses in this country where to go fair trade, our economy would collapse because it was built on cheap resources (not mentioned in the article, but it’s the same idea). So is the only solution to let them all drown? My thought on the negative side effects of the World food bank is that even if the fertilizer/pesticide companies pocketed extra money, the food bank did save millions of lives which is a fact that shouldn’t be overlooked.

I don’t believe that the right thing to do is to simply admit that life isn’t fair and act like we are the lucky ones and just live our lives while 2/3 of the world suffers. I think this is a foolish move because all the nations on this earth depend on one another and the downfall of one nation will have negative effects on the rest. I think that if mankind solved the problem of putting a man on the moon, issues like population control and helping other nations become self sustainable are not ones impossible to solve. It just requires some time and effort and enough people to care to take on these problems. Everyone on this earth deserves the same chance at a comfortable and happy life and it is the responsibility of all that are capable to ensure that people on all corners of the globe get that chance.

So the moral of this blog is don’t be like House! Don’t choose to turn a blind eye on the issues present on this earth no matter how hard they seem to solve. If everyone was to just accept the way things are, the apartheid system would still be functioning, women would still be unable to vote, and there would still be slavery present to this day. It took a few brave individuals to speak out against unfairness and the problems did manage to get defeated. This is the reason why I’m in the Beyond Borders program – because it gives me the opportunity to learn about the injustices that exist so that I can be an advocate for fairness in this world and make a difference. This world is far from being ideal, but it doesn’t mean that we should stop striving to make it one.

St. John's

2009-02-15T15:30:00.000-08:00

The past couple of times I’ve worked at St John’s kitchen, I’ve found myself surprised to see the number of homeless people and those at risk of being homeless. I always thought poverty and suffering were found concentrated only in Africa and Asia. Canada was the last place I thought I’d see people in need of basic things like food and shelter. I did not expect to see a significant number suffering from social problems like isolation. Again I thought the only ones that felt isolated in Canada were the new immigrants who had left behind their friends and family in their country. St. John’s opened my eyes to a whole new sector of people in this society that I thought never existed.

Some of the people that came to the kitchen had obvious mental disabilities and a few others you could tell where on drugs, and for all of them I found myself asking “why are you in this situation? How does this occur in Canada? Will societies ever run out of problems no matter how advanced they get?!!”. I looked up the statistics to see just what percentage of the population was homeless and the newest I could find stated that 200,000 people were homeless in Canada!!! I know it might not seem a lot considering 33 million people live in this country, but for someone who thought that homelessess barely existed in a 1st world country, this was a shock.

I want to know how there are homeless people in Canada, with all the education, jobs and resources available. For every person being served in the lineup, I found myself wondering “what is your story? How did you end up here?”, I felt like giving them all big hugs and fixing up their lives. So I’ve decided I’m going to have lunch at their table this week, instead of with the volunteers. I was going to do it last week, but I was afraid of one gentleman who yelled at me and gave me a terrifying look each time because I had told him we ran out of milk...:S I hope he has forgotten me by now.
If I get to know some of them and find out their stories, then maybe I’ll understand this issue and become a part of its solution somehow.

St John's Kitchen

2009-02-07T18:24:00.000-08:00

Hello all

Hope you're week went well. Mine flew by so fast, I can't believe it is already the weekend!! I've been meaning to blog about my volunteering since monday, but between two lab reports, a quiz, a test and working at the lab, I couldn't find the time. And after a week of stress, I'm down with a horrible cold, my whole body is aching, I feel dizzy every time I move and my throat is hurting like its never hurt before :( Sorry to complain, I get this way when I'm sick.

Back to St. john's....finding the place was very hard to begin with, I had to call a friend to get help with directions and his best advice was to hop on a bus and ask the driver where it was! so I did that, but the bus driver totally ended up taking me to the wrong place! I had to take another bus back the opposite direction and walk a fair distance to get to the kitchen. When I arrived there I asked for whoever was in charge and it happened to be a woman named G. (I don't know if I'm allowed to say her name, so I'll just refer to everyone I met there by the first letter of their name). G. handed me an apron to get me started and when I take off my coat, my sweater had ridden up. Before I got a chance to pull it down, G. gave me a long lecture about how showing skin is not allowed in the kitchen and I should be more careful, etc, etc. Naturally that got me terrified of her and I was afraid I wasn’t going to have a pleasant experience there. But by the end of the day, G was in love with me and vice versa :)

When we started cooking, it was like a mini iron chef show. The kitchen can’t prepare menus ahead of time because its not known what they’ll be getting from the food bank. We took out all that was in the fridge and started making up recipes and mixing ingredients. It was wonderful how the meals came together. When you first glimpse at the kitchen it looks very chaotic, but G was great at giving directions and the volunteers worked together like a great team getting the meals ready on time. After serving the meals, all of us volunteers had lunch together and the conversations we had felt exactly like one of our class discussions from last term. I was surprised to find how much I had in common with all of them. Those volunteers held the same views about being compassionate and responsible citizens, about caring for others and how it wasn’t enough to just live for yourself but contribute to society, and about making good use of your time serving those around you. Just one day of volunteering and I already feel like I’m part of their community. I was surprised to see how many people turned out to eat at the kitchen. I still don’t understand how there could be so much poverty and suffering in Canada. I found out later that most of them had disabilities and other problems that left them homeless and isolated from the rest of society. For them, the kitchen is not just a place to get meals, but where they can socialize with others and that serves as support system for them. I didn’t really know what to make of the kitchen before, but now I see it as a place of justice, a place where people that were left behind and neglected in society get the proper services they deserve, just as the rest of us. There is so much more to say about this amazing place, so many things it made me think about, that one blog entry isn’t enough to cover it all.

I’ll tell you more next time, I have to go nap now because I’m feeling very woozy.

the Holy Cross Hospice

2009-02-01T15:19:00.000-08:00

So I’ve known for a while now that my placement would be at the holy cross hospice. This NGO was formed in 1994 and its main goal is to provide quality care for the terminally ill and help their families. Botswana has the worlds 2nd highest HIV/AIDS rate, so almost all of the patients that come to this hospice are HIV patients.

The hospice has four nurses providing home-based care to some of the patients, working together with the local clinics. The nurses teach the patients about their medical regimens and healthy lifestyle important for the success of the antiretroviral therapy. As well, there are two social workers there that counsel and offer psycho-social support to clients and their families. They also work with closely with the local social workers, so there is a lot of networking involved to make sure that the patients get the most access to important social services.

One of the main programs of the hospice is the Loratong Day care centre for both adults and children. There, the hospice provides meals to the patients, their children and other neighbourhood orphans daily. While at the Loratong, they also receive physiotherapy, counselling and medical attention from the hospice workers. The Hospice noticed that many of the patients that came in to the hospice brought along their preschool children, so it decided to create a preschool and the Other Vulnerable Children (OVC) program. Their website doesn’t really explain the OVC program, but I think I’d really be interested to involved in it. With more and more children being orphaned with HIV/AIDS, I think that this will keep being a problem in all of the African countries with high HIV/AIDS rates. It’d be interesting to see what form of actions could be taken to help deal with this issue.

Anyways, back to the hospice... The hospice has one other program. This one is a youth program to the teenagers and youth of the “low resource communities” of Gaborone. The hospice receives funding from the US-based PACT program for an after-school program for these youth. The students come together 4 days a week to learn traditional dance and drama. Again this is another part of the hospice I’d like to be involved in, working closely with the youth.

I’m trying to see where I fit best in the hospice. I want to have a good idea of what I’ll be doing there ahead of time, so that I can prepare a little. The wusc website is just soo technical with its terms and I’m not sure what the job description they have really means. It doesn’t really help you prepare. I just want to make sure I’ll be of some use to the hospice once I get there.

I’ll be going to the working centre tomorrow. I’m going to volunteer at St. John’s Kitchen. I have to get there at 9 am to help start with the food preparation. Then I’ll help serve the food and clean up afterwards till 2 pm. I’m a little excited to see how tomorrow will turn out, if I’ll meet interesting people there with stories. I’ll let you know how it goes :)

About me and my placement

2009-01-25T17:02:00.000-08:00

I’m originally from Ethiopia. I moved to Canada together with my mom and little sister in 2004 and its weird how I feel like I’ve lived here forever. My life back home was so different and yet I find myself having adapted to this new lifestyle very well. It wasn’t easy at first, for the first year of so, I missed my home, my friends, our food, the weather, my entire life I’d left behind. I started to work at Tim Hortons a month after I arrived in Canada and there I was confronted with so much cultural shock that I’m still amazed I didn’t quit on the first day. Imagine getting asked to make a turkey bacon club sandwich with swiss...when you don’t even know what swiss cheese looks like! ...I had no idea what a double double meant, what a cinnamon roll looked like, I’d never heard of almost everything sold at Tim Hortons before my first day at work! Some customers were more understanding and patient than others, but until I’d learnt the basics I had a very hard time working there. But slowly I started to make new friends there, started getting familiarised with this new country and building a new life for myself. So here I am now, a 5 year resident in Canada who has just gotten comfortable with her new life, challenging myself to live in yet another strange and new culture and this time I won’t have my mom and sister with me. I know it should be easier for me to live in Botswana for 3 months because I’ve already experienced culture shock and I know what to expect. But it doesn’t stop me from being scared a little because I do know what culture shock feels like....

In other news, I just got conformation that my placement will be at the Holy Cross Hospice, an AIDS hospice in Gabarone. According to its website, my responsibilities will include doing assessment in the homes of both children and adult patients, developing care plans, writing case reports and undertaking other duties assigned by the social workers I’ll be working with. So really, I have no idea what I’ll really be doing there...”developing care plans”?? what ever that means...This is why I’ve made sure to keep an open mind about what to expect when I get to Gabarone. No matter what it is that I’ll be doing there, working with children with HIV and making their lives better in any way will be such a rewarding experience.

...I’ll tell you more about my placement next time...

The BB program and why I'm in it

2009-01-17T11:51:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone!
My name is Maryam and I am a 3rd year Biomedical Sciences student at the University of Waterloo. This summer of 09’, I will be travelling to Gabarone,Botswana to work at an AIDS hospice for 3 months! I got this volunteer placement through the Beyond Borders program at the St Jeromes University. The purpose of this program is to provide university students with an educational travel experience that will help them understand the cultures and values of others that live around the world and in this way allow them to make a positive impact in their global environment.

The students participating in this program are required to take three courses, one of them being Justice, Peace and Development. This course involves doing research about the host countries, looking into the history, economy, political situation, and environment of the host countries. As well, we will be volunteering at The Working Center in downtown Kitchener so that we can be involved in our own community the same way we will be getting involved in our host countries in the summer. Lastly, this course involves setting up this blog where we will be sharing our experiences in the Beyond Borders program, volunteering at the Working Centre, preparing to leave for our trip and anything else we find relevant to this experience.

Why am I participating in this program? There are countless reasons why I’m interested in this volunteer experience. Besides the obvious reasons of my desire to travel, learn a new language, experience a new culture and meet new people, I truly believe that this experience will provide me with so much personal growth and wisdom that I can use in my life.

Through this blog, I hope to share with everyone my thoughts and experiences and all that I will learn from this incredible journey.
enjoy reading:D