I was feeling a little down this past week because of how things were going at the hospice. The first month and a half at the hospice was amazing. My days were filled with home-visits and spending time with the patients, learning Setswana and dancing to the local music. There were four other volunteers from Guelph that were working with me at the hospice and we all got into this routine of coming in to work and just talking to the hospice workers and patients all day! I had a lot of interaction with the people and I kept learning a lot of new things every day. But once the Guelph girls left, I felt like my time of “settling in and observing how things were run” was over and it was time for me to start working on real projects. And this is where the trouble started...
I got along very well with my co-workers when I was just “observing” with the Guelph girls ...but when I wanted to work, I was surprised by how much resistance I felt coming from my co-workers. I would ask for a file, and it would be nowhere to be found ...for weeks! I would ask for a signature on a proposal and the person that’s suppose to sign would say they would sign by the end of the day, but they’d leave early and not come in to work for the rest of the week! There were so many times where I felt like excluding everybody else at the hospice and doing things on my own, but then I would be like the oppressor in “Pedagogy of the oppressed”. If I am to hold myself back and work at their pace, things will get weeks to get done and I only have a month left! So for more than half the month of June I’ve been grappling with this dilemma and I couldn’t even decide how I felt about my situation. One day I would be mad at the hospice for its lack of structure and disorganization which resulted in severe inefficiency of the workers. The next day I would be mad at myself for being as frustrated as I was, not handling the situation better. And my days would just fly by so fast without me having even accomplished much. I kept an hour by hour log for a few days to see how my time passed by , and a lot of it was spent waiting!
I was talking to my roommates last night and one of the things I told them was that a significant part of what bothered me about this whole situation was that I was not enough to “fix” the hospice. My roommates’ response was “who do you think you are?! Of course you are not going to change the entire working of the hospice on your own!” and she was right. Who did I think I was? I am a 3rd year undergrad student who came here to volunteer for three months and I realize that I didn’t make much of a difference....but what matters is that I did my best. I went into work every day and gave it my all. That should be enough. This whole experience has been very humbling. In terms of personal development, I have discovered a few of my strengths and what I need to work on. I know that when I go back home, I will continue to look for opportunities like this to ensure I keep growing.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
Y Care Walk - 150 km in the Kalahari Desert!
Hi everyone!
I’m writing this email to ask for your support for a charity walk I will be taking part in this July. It is called the http://www.ycare.org.bw/walks.php>Y-care walk – a three day, 150 km desert walk on the Makgadikgadi Pans of Botswana. The point of this walk is to raise funds for Non-governmental organizations in Botswana. The NGOs here are restricted due to the very little amount of funds they receive, and whatever money is donated comes with so many strings attached. I get frustrated every day at work as I see how limited the hospice is in what it can do for its patients, all because is so tight on funding. The money raised through this walk will be of a major help to organizations like my Hospice.
As a walking volunteer, I am required to raise CAD 1000 for participating in the walk. I would really appreciate it if you could help sponsor me to do this walk. Even though I came to this country to do volunteer work, I honestly feel like I have gained a lot more than what I have given from this experience. Raising funds for these NGOs that are doing amazing work is just my way of balancing the scale a little and giving back to Botswana.
If you are wonderful enough to support me in this, you can click on the “ChipIn” button on my blog and donate via PayPal (online payment site used by eBay). Alternatively, I can also give you my bank details for direct deposit at a branch. If you are not able to donate, please still email me back to say hi and wish me luck on the rest of my journey.
Thanks!!
I’m writing this email to ask for your support for a charity walk I will be taking part in this July. It is called the http://www.ycare.org.bw/walks.php>Y-care walk – a three day, 150 km desert walk on the Makgadikgadi Pans of Botswana. The point of this walk is to raise funds for Non-governmental organizations in Botswana. The NGOs here are restricted due to the very little amount of funds they receive, and whatever money is donated comes with so many strings attached. I get frustrated every day at work as I see how limited the hospice is in what it can do for its patients, all because is so tight on funding. The money raised through this walk will be of a major help to organizations like my Hospice.
As a walking volunteer, I am required to raise CAD 1000 for participating in the walk. I would really appreciate it if you could help sponsor me to do this walk. Even though I came to this country to do volunteer work, I honestly feel like I have gained a lot more than what I have given from this experience. Raising funds for these NGOs that are doing amazing work is just my way of balancing the scale a little and giving back to Botswana.
If you are wonderful enough to support me in this, you can click on the “ChipIn” button on my blog and donate via PayPal (online payment site used by eBay). Alternatively, I can also give you my bank details for direct deposit at a branch. If you are not able to donate, please still email me back to say hi and wish me luck on the rest of my journey.
Thanks!!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Life in Gabs
It is amazing how time flies! It’s already been a month since I came to Gabs and I’m surprised at how easily I’ve adjusted to everything here. It feels like I’ve been working at the hospice for longer than just a month.
I spent the first two weeks at the hospice in the social work department, and my work their comprised mainly of going on several home visits. Some of the home visits where emotionally taxing, but for the most part I was able to go on them without extreme difficulty. I would see things that were very sad, but after the first week or so, I began to get accustomed to it all. I don’t really know what that says about me...it wasn’t that the complete injustice I observed didn’t bother me at all, but if I am to survive here for the entire summer, better if I accepted the reality here for what it is...
Just as I’d gotten familiarized with the social work department, I was switched into the nursing department for another two weeks. The nursing department also does home visits, but the nature of the work is much different. The hospice nurses go to the houses of terminal patients and help with simple procedures like changing their dressings and distributing ARVS. I found going on the home visits with the nurses to be much more frustrating than with social work because the lack of resources where so obvious and what the nurses could do for the patients is very limited! The hospice relies on donations to supply medication to its patients, so not a lot drugs are available.
The patients here are very relaxed when it comes to having strangers coming in and observing while they’re being looked after by the nurses, everything is just out in the open and confidentiality is not an issue...So I was taken aback at first by how much I was being trusted by the patients and the responsibility I was being entrusted with by the nurses. I’m allowed to see/do things that I’d never be allowed to back home.
There was one incident where we went on a home visit to change the dressings for a young man around 30ish who had AIDS. This man’s mother had already buried two other children that had died from AIDS, he was the only child she had left and he too was dying. When we arrived at the house, the mother did not want to open the door for us, so she hid behind the door and wouldn’t answer. I couldn’t understand what was going on and why she didn’t want us to come and help take care of her son. We were persistent and knocking on the door until she gave up and opened for us. But the nurses later explained to me that the reason she didn’t us helping him was because she had tended to and watched her other two daughters die of this disease and she just couldn’t do it anymore....she wanted it to end.
During orientation, a past volunteer told us that Gaborone is a city of broken hearts...there isn’t a single person I’ve met that has not been affected by a virus. Death is so common. Funerals are the events to go to on the weekends. But what surprises me is how stupid people can be about sex...people still joke around about having multiple sexual partners! Every joke has a sexual connotation....every conversation is about sex sex sex sex and more sex. Here’s part of a conversation I had with one of my co-workers this morning:
Co-worker: “neo, you know I currently have six sexual partners...four in town and two in my home village”
Me: “Why do you do that! You know its not safe!!”
Co-worker: “I use a condom”
Me: “Why do you endanger yours and other people’s life?! Condoms can break!”
Co-worker: “aahhh, but my penis is not that big”
The dumbass was trying to brag...and I couldn’t help but get a angry at what he was telling me...What’s scary is that I honestly don’t think he was joking. That really was the reasoning behind his behaviour. And this is someone working at an AIDS hospice!!!!! Makes me feel so exasperated! I’ve had several of these kinds of conversations with many people from here and they’ve all made me feel so exasperated! Soo many dumb comments that come out of intelligent people’s mouths, people that should be helping fight the spread of the virus!
Anyways...when I’m not going on home visits, I stay at the hospice and spend time with the patients that come into the day care center. Most of them don’t know how to speak English, so I found it really hard at first to have conversations and interact with them. But I’m learning some Setswana and gradually developing skills necessary to interact with another person who doesn’t speak your language.
There are times where I feel completely useless at the hospice, then there are times where I feel like I’m actually contributing. I go through such an emotional rollercoaster throughout a day...I can be extremely happy, sad, angry, lonely within a few hours. I try my best day by day to keep a positive attitude and remind myself of why I’m here. As easy as it is to get disheartened by a lot of things in Gabs, I’m going to keep a positive attitude until the end of my stay.
I spent the first two weeks at the hospice in the social work department, and my work their comprised mainly of going on several home visits. Some of the home visits where emotionally taxing, but for the most part I was able to go on them without extreme difficulty. I would see things that were very sad, but after the first week or so, I began to get accustomed to it all. I don’t really know what that says about me...it wasn’t that the complete injustice I observed didn’t bother me at all, but if I am to survive here for the entire summer, better if I accepted the reality here for what it is...
Just as I’d gotten familiarized with the social work department, I was switched into the nursing department for another two weeks. The nursing department also does home visits, but the nature of the work is much different. The hospice nurses go to the houses of terminal patients and help with simple procedures like changing their dressings and distributing ARVS. I found going on the home visits with the nurses to be much more frustrating than with social work because the lack of resources where so obvious and what the nurses could do for the patients is very limited! The hospice relies on donations to supply medication to its patients, so not a lot drugs are available.
The patients here are very relaxed when it comes to having strangers coming in and observing while they’re being looked after by the nurses, everything is just out in the open and confidentiality is not an issue...So I was taken aback at first by how much I was being trusted by the patients and the responsibility I was being entrusted with by the nurses. I’m allowed to see/do things that I’d never be allowed to back home.
There was one incident where we went on a home visit to change the dressings for a young man around 30ish who had AIDS. This man’s mother had already buried two other children that had died from AIDS, he was the only child she had left and he too was dying. When we arrived at the house, the mother did not want to open the door for us, so she hid behind the door and wouldn’t answer. I couldn’t understand what was going on and why she didn’t want us to come and help take care of her son. We were persistent and knocking on the door until she gave up and opened for us. But the nurses later explained to me that the reason she didn’t us helping him was because she had tended to and watched her other two daughters die of this disease and she just couldn’t do it anymore....she wanted it to end.
During orientation, a past volunteer told us that Gaborone is a city of broken hearts...there isn’t a single person I’ve met that has not been affected by a virus. Death is so common. Funerals are the events to go to on the weekends. But what surprises me is how stupid people can be about sex...people still joke around about having multiple sexual partners! Every joke has a sexual connotation....every conversation is about sex sex sex sex and more sex. Here’s part of a conversation I had with one of my co-workers this morning:
Co-worker: “neo, you know I currently have six sexual partners...four in town and two in my home village”
Me: “Why do you do that! You know its not safe!!”
Co-worker: “I use a condom”
Me: “Why do you endanger yours and other people’s life?! Condoms can break!”
Co-worker: “aahhh, but my penis is not that big”
The dumbass was trying to brag...and I couldn’t help but get a angry at what he was telling me...What’s scary is that I honestly don’t think he was joking. That really was the reasoning behind his behaviour. And this is someone working at an AIDS hospice!!!!! Makes me feel so exasperated! I’ve had several of these kinds of conversations with many people from here and they’ve all made me feel so exasperated! Soo many dumb comments that come out of intelligent people’s mouths, people that should be helping fight the spread of the virus!
Anyways...when I’m not going on home visits, I stay at the hospice and spend time with the patients that come into the day care center. Most of them don’t know how to speak English, so I found it really hard at first to have conversations and interact with them. But I’m learning some Setswana and gradually developing skills necessary to interact with another person who doesn’t speak your language.
There are times where I feel completely useless at the hospice, then there are times where I feel like I’m actually contributing. I go through such an emotional rollercoaster throughout a day...I can be extremely happy, sad, angry, lonely within a few hours. I try my best day by day to keep a positive attitude and remind myself of why I’m here. As easy as it is to get disheartened by a lot of things in Gabs, I’m going to keep a positive attitude until the end of my stay.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Neo in Gaborone!
Hi Everyone!!
Its Neo in Gaborone!...Neo is my Motswana name here. Its pronounced Nae-oh and its means Gift. It was given to me by my host mom Mma-Ednah. I’ve been in Gabs for two weeks now and so far so good!! The first week was all orientation then we went to Mokolodi nature reserve to see the big animals. It was a fantastic week and I wasn’t homesick at all, nor did I experience any culture shock. The second week is when things started getting pretty rough. Last Monday in particular was my worst day in Gabs. Out of nowhere, I started to miss my family and I’m embarrassed to admit that I wanted to go back home. It was my first day at work and although the people working at the hospice were very nice and welcoming, things there were not what I expected and I was a bit disheartened by what saw that first day. This next para is part of a post I meant to upload on my blog last week, but I wasn’t able to since internet access isn’t the easiest here. I sound very negative in it, but don’t worry because I don’t feel that way anymore.
“I have completely overestimated my strength and ability to handle all the struggles that I might face here. I honestly did not expect to have such a hard time getting used to my new surroundings and way of living. I miss my family!! I miss how easy it is to call my friends back home when I have a bad day and vent out my anger and frustration. I can’t do that here and it makes me feel very isolated. Its hard to check my emails regularly b/c internet cafes aren’t very accessible. Work here is from 7:30 to 4:30 and it gets dark after 6. Since it isn’t advisable to be out once its dark, I only have 1.5 hours to run around Gabs and do ALL my errands!! The combi (local taxis) is the most common form of transportation here but sadly, it isn’t the most effective one. There isn’t a set schedule for a combi to pass by an area, so you all you can do is stand on the side of a road and wait hopefully for one to pass by!! Sometimes I have to wait 20-30 minutes to catch one!! Since I have to take two combis to go to work, you can only imagine how long it takes me to get there. The fact that there is no coffee (real coffee that is, they only have instant coffee) only exasperates my situation!!”
So that is how I felt at the beginning of last week, but things started to get better and I don’t miss my family as much anymore. It wasn’t culture shock that got me, or the slums or the combis or the lack of real coffee. It was the fact that I was soo far away from my family and friends. Two weeks in and I’ve already learned one thing from this experience and that is family and friends and relationships in general mean the world to me. I could have been in the middle of a desert or a rain forest for those two weeks, but I don’t think I’d have had such a hard time if I had a friend or a family member with me. It is really not where you are that matters, it is who you’re with...but anyhow, things are good now.
I’m working in the social work department of the hospice and I get to go on 4-5 hour walks to the slums of Gaborone to check in on grandmothers, uncles, aunts, single mothers who are taking care of OVCs. The sun is brutal in the afternoons and my skin is acting weird, so I’ve gotten over my embarrassment and started using an umbrella to protect myself from further skin conditions. The hospice is great, but I had problems adjusting to the hospice at first and my first impressions on my coworkers weren’t the greatest. I thought the hospice was just a place to provide them with pay checks and they really didn’t care about reaching out to the community. I thought they were lazy and inefficient and things at the hospice could be run much better than they were currently being run. I found it very hard to implement all the things I learnt the past 8 months in preparation for this placement. Everything I learnt went out the window and I found myself struggling not to be this outsider who is trying to change the way everything is run in the hospice. I had to force myself to sit back and observe and engage with the people, instead of attempt to fix the hospice.
I’m starting to get to know the people at the hospice and they’re starting to feel like my friends rather than co-workers. I was quick to judge them at first but after spending a few days with them, I have found them to be caring individuals who are devoted to their work, although it might not seem like it. I’m can honestly say I love it here now..I love going to work every morning! I’ve already experienced a lot of things at work that will require another post b/cause there are soo many great ones! Three months feels like a short time now :(
Its Neo in Gaborone!...Neo is my Motswana name here. Its pronounced Nae-oh and its means Gift. It was given to me by my host mom Mma-Ednah. I’ve been in Gabs for two weeks now and so far so good!! The first week was all orientation then we went to Mokolodi nature reserve to see the big animals. It was a fantastic week and I wasn’t homesick at all, nor did I experience any culture shock. The second week is when things started getting pretty rough. Last Monday in particular was my worst day in Gabs. Out of nowhere, I started to miss my family and I’m embarrassed to admit that I wanted to go back home. It was my first day at work and although the people working at the hospice were very nice and welcoming, things there were not what I expected and I was a bit disheartened by what saw that first day. This next para is part of a post I meant to upload on my blog last week, but I wasn’t able to since internet access isn’t the easiest here. I sound very negative in it, but don’t worry because I don’t feel that way anymore.
“I have completely overestimated my strength and ability to handle all the struggles that I might face here. I honestly did not expect to have such a hard time getting used to my new surroundings and way of living. I miss my family!! I miss how easy it is to call my friends back home when I have a bad day and vent out my anger and frustration. I can’t do that here and it makes me feel very isolated. Its hard to check my emails regularly b/c internet cafes aren’t very accessible. Work here is from 7:30 to 4:30 and it gets dark after 6. Since it isn’t advisable to be out once its dark, I only have 1.5 hours to run around Gabs and do ALL my errands!! The combi (local taxis) is the most common form of transportation here but sadly, it isn’t the most effective one. There isn’t a set schedule for a combi to pass by an area, so you all you can do is stand on the side of a road and wait hopefully for one to pass by!! Sometimes I have to wait 20-30 minutes to catch one!! Since I have to take two combis to go to work, you can only imagine how long it takes me to get there. The fact that there is no coffee (real coffee that is, they only have instant coffee) only exasperates my situation!!”
So that is how I felt at the beginning of last week, but things started to get better and I don’t miss my family as much anymore. It wasn’t culture shock that got me, or the slums or the combis or the lack of real coffee. It was the fact that I was soo far away from my family and friends. Two weeks in and I’ve already learned one thing from this experience and that is family and friends and relationships in general mean the world to me. I could have been in the middle of a desert or a rain forest for those two weeks, but I don’t think I’d have had such a hard time if I had a friend or a family member with me. It is really not where you are that matters, it is who you’re with...but anyhow, things are good now.
I’m working in the social work department of the hospice and I get to go on 4-5 hour walks to the slums of Gaborone to check in on grandmothers, uncles, aunts, single mothers who are taking care of OVCs. The sun is brutal in the afternoons and my skin is acting weird, so I’ve gotten over my embarrassment and started using an umbrella to protect myself from further skin conditions. The hospice is great, but I had problems adjusting to the hospice at first and my first impressions on my coworkers weren’t the greatest. I thought the hospice was just a place to provide them with pay checks and they really didn’t care about reaching out to the community. I thought they were lazy and inefficient and things at the hospice could be run much better than they were currently being run. I found it very hard to implement all the things I learnt the past 8 months in preparation for this placement. Everything I learnt went out the window and I found myself struggling not to be this outsider who is trying to change the way everything is run in the hospice. I had to force myself to sit back and observe and engage with the people, instead of attempt to fix the hospice.
I’m starting to get to know the people at the hospice and they’re starting to feel like my friends rather than co-workers. I was quick to judge them at first but after spending a few days with them, I have found them to be caring individuals who are devoted to their work, although it might not seem like it. I’m can honestly say I love it here now..I love going to work every morning! I’ve already experienced a lot of things at work that will require another post b/cause there are soo many great ones! Three months feels like a short time now :(
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Living and Learning
When I signed up for the Beyond Borders program, there were a few things I hoped to gain. I hoped I would come out as a wiser, more knowledgeable and a more improved Maryam. I knew I wanted to see a change in myself; in ways deeper than a University degree can provide. I wanted to see if this experience would reaffirm my present values and goals or refute them. But what I didn’t expect was to see a change in my outlook on LIFE, even before I have gone to Botswana and started working in the hospice!
I think that one of the main reasons for this change was the blogging requirement. Blogging has done so much more for me than I had expected. Whenever something significant or thought provoking would happen in my day, I’d always be a rush to class or work that I wouldn’t take time to think it through and analyze how I felt about it. Blogging has forced me to sit down, take the time to think about what I had just witnessed and what it all really means to me. It wasn’t the easiest thing to come up with the words that described exactly how I felt and formulate the sentences that expressed exactly what I was thinking. But at the end of each post, I felt like I knew a little more about myself and I was more clear about my beliefs; that in itself is a great accomplishment for me and something I am very proud of.
Another change has happened in my life that I wasn’t expecting to gain through this program: the addition of long-term friends who are passionate and care about the same issues that I do. Whether it was the class discussions about the 1st world/3rd world economies, reading pedagogy of the oppressed, or hearing their opinions about world issues; I have met amazing people who have taught me worth-while lessons, shown me to think critically about the world and who have reinforced my will to help make a difference. In addition, through reading everyone’s weekly blogs, I learned about things I have never even heard or thought about; and the supportive comments that I received on my blog have really made a difference to me…AND my favourite thing was the warm fuzzies!! (I keep reading mine and it definitely makes me feel all warm and fuzzy).
But I think the biggest thing that has changed me has to be volunteering at the working center. The people that I met at St. John’s kitchen, the conversations I had with the other volunteers and all the people I interacted with there has been a great learning experience for me. When I went there every Monday, I didn’t just go to serve meals and complete my volunteer hours, I went there looking forward to the people I’d be meeting and the conversations I’d be having. Most of the time, the conversations I had at the kitchen and the things I saw while working there made me ask some really hard questions and left me thinking for that entire week. Later, I’d blog about my thoughts and in the process find out more about my values, beliefs and hopes. I was as much a student there to learn as I was a volunteer at the working center and I think that is what service learning is all about. I also think that is how working at the hospice will be this summer. I’ll keep learning more about how to live responsibly in this world critically analyzing and questioning things I come across, in constant dialogue and interaction with those around me and GROW as I do it. I’ll be learning more about exactly what I want to do with the rest of my life and what legacy I want to give to this world.
I think that one of the main reasons for this change was the blogging requirement. Blogging has done so much more for me than I had expected. Whenever something significant or thought provoking would happen in my day, I’d always be a rush to class or work that I wouldn’t take time to think it through and analyze how I felt about it. Blogging has forced me to sit down, take the time to think about what I had just witnessed and what it all really means to me. It wasn’t the easiest thing to come up with the words that described exactly how I felt and formulate the sentences that expressed exactly what I was thinking. But at the end of each post, I felt like I knew a little more about myself and I was more clear about my beliefs; that in itself is a great accomplishment for me and something I am very proud of.
Another change has happened in my life that I wasn’t expecting to gain through this program: the addition of long-term friends who are passionate and care about the same issues that I do. Whether it was the class discussions about the 1st world/3rd world economies, reading pedagogy of the oppressed, or hearing their opinions about world issues; I have met amazing people who have taught me worth-while lessons, shown me to think critically about the world and who have reinforced my will to help make a difference. In addition, through reading everyone’s weekly blogs, I learned about things I have never even heard or thought about; and the supportive comments that I received on my blog have really made a difference to me…AND my favourite thing was the warm fuzzies!! (I keep reading mine and it definitely makes me feel all warm and fuzzy).
But I think the biggest thing that has changed me has to be volunteering at the working center. The people that I met at St. John’s kitchen, the conversations I had with the other volunteers and all the people I interacted with there has been a great learning experience for me. When I went there every Monday, I didn’t just go to serve meals and complete my volunteer hours, I went there looking forward to the people I’d be meeting and the conversations I’d be having. Most of the time, the conversations I had at the kitchen and the things I saw while working there made me ask some really hard questions and left me thinking for that entire week. Later, I’d blog about my thoughts and in the process find out more about my values, beliefs and hopes. I was as much a student there to learn as I was a volunteer at the working center and I think that is what service learning is all about. I also think that is how working at the hospice will be this summer. I’ll keep learning more about how to live responsibly in this world critically analyzing and questioning things I come across, in constant dialogue and interaction with those around me and GROW as I do it. I’ll be learning more about exactly what I want to do with the rest of my life and what legacy I want to give to this world.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
AIDS in Botswana presentation
Here's a presentation I prepared on the AIDS crisis in Botswana...Its contains the basics about the country, the AIDS/HIV status and a little bit about my placement. Sorry I took a while to post it, I was having problems uploading the powerpoint.
Botswana Presentation Hiv
View more presentations from maryamyohannes.
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